


Monster

by dodecahedrons



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, PTSD, Suicide, takes place during the 57th expedition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 10:08:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6370651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dodecahedrons/pseuds/dodecahedrons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The next thing he knew, he was emerging from a titan body of his own, and being tried and almost sentenced in an impromptu court case. The crowds were chanting monster. Monster. Monster.</p>
<p>Monster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster

It was quiet in the woods. Everything was quiet. At least, to him it was. He didn't count the sound of twigs and leaves crunching beneath his worn boots to be noise that deducted from the peacefullness of the shaded wilderness.

He'd long left his horse behind, back with his squadron. No one had batted an eyelash when he'd mentioned walking a little ways into the woods. He assumed Gunther thought he was going to take a bathroom break, and didn't want anyone to see him. Gunther also probably told the others this, as well. Fair assumption, but not at all close.

He stared at the ground as he walked, watching as his feet treaded on the lifeless foliage litering the dirt floor of the forest. His steps slowed to a crawl as he got lost in his thought, wondering if this sudden fixation on his walking represented something. He dug in his brain for a moment, before realizing that yes, it did.

He froze, his arms beginning to shake as he involuntarily began to twitch into a hunched over position. The flashbacks. They were starting again. He was remembering everything leading up to when he transformed first. When he was fighting, when he saw Armin get eaten, when he saved him...

He dropped to his knees, his hands shooting up to rapidly switch between rubbing his face and having a firm grip at his hair. He stared at the ground, no longer seeing the brown leaves and twigs but rather reliving the moment he fell into the titan's stomach. He could hear Armin's screams faintly, oh God could he hear them. They were gut churning, so bad he felt himself getting nauseous at the mere memory.

The titan's insides were disgustingly sticky and overwhelmingly hot. He wasn't in there for more than a few minutes before passing out. That's not before hallucinating, either.

And next thing he knew, he was emerging from a titan body of his own, and being tried and almost sentenced in an impromptu court case. The crowds were chanting monster. Monster. Monster.

_Monster._

As he came to his senses once more, he stared at the earth now so close to his face. The sheaths for his blades bumped awkwardly against the ground as he shifted to sit on his legs, grabbing at the leaves with his hands damp with tears he didn't know he cried. He stared down at them for a while, zoning in and out of conscious thoughts as most of his attempts at thinking were stopped by the crowd chanting "monster" in his memories.

It was overwhelming.

They wouldn't stop.

Monster. Monster. Monster. _Monster._

He dropped the leaves, his hands dusted with dirt now caked where tears once were gripping at his jacket stained with blood - who's it was didn't come to mind at the moment. He began to cry once again, this time aware of it. He was a monster, wasn't he? He was a monster, he was what humanity feared. He was what _he_ feared.

He was what killed his mom.

He was what took the lives of so many innocent.

He was what destroyed families.

He was what ruined lives.

He clung to himself, hunched over now and sobbing grossly. He didn't know and didn't care if anyone or anything was coming for him. He didn't care what his noises attracted at this point. He had been devolving so quickly. After his mom's death, he'd become vulnerable, but after the court case where Levi gained practical ownership of him, he became so fragile.

He almost wished for a titan to come now, to come and end his misery. To stop the crowd from yelling at him, to stop the memories from haunting him.

He sobbed like this for a long time, hunched over on the forest floor. After a while, however, his tears stopped. He attempted to catch his breath, wheezing from how hard he'd been crying, a few dry coughs making their way out as he attempted to breathe. Leaves crunched beneath him as he pryed himself from the ground. His pants were now a morbid camoflage pattern of crimson, burnt orange, and white. His thoughts were now nothing but the crowd chanting monster, monster, monster.

His goal was still the same, though.

His goal was to kill them all.

He turned his head slowly, toward the direction from which he came. He knew his squad could handle this. He knew everyone would be fine. He believed in everyone. Levi would capture the titan shifter they were now after, and probably employ her efforts.

Who would need his talents, anyway? Who would need his monstrosity around to win the war against the titans? You can't fight fire with fire, it only makes the fire worse.

Without hesitation, he drew a blade from one of the sheaths on his hips. With his free hand, he grasped the sole flare gun he'd grabbed before wandering away from the squadron.

"I will kill them," he whispered, looking at the sky, trying to see the sun through the roof of leaves above him. He gave a bitter laugh, pointing the flare gun at the sky as he raised his blade to his throat.

"I will kill them all."

The almost deafening bang similar to that of a gunshot filled the air as he pressed the blade deep into his throat and pulled. He let out a pained yelp, and the collapsed to the ground, immediately beginning to bleed out.

Purple smoke dissipated slowly above him as he fell, blood staining the leaves and twigs he'd been observing moments before. His blade was at his side, fingertips still on the hilt, his blood alread beginning to bake on the blade as sun peaked through the trees and the colored fog to hit it.

He smiled, his fingers twitching, as he gave his last breath. His eyes slid shut slowly, and his body went still.

In the distance, you could hear a shrill voice yell his name.

"Eren! No! Oh, no..."

**Author's Note:**

> gotta love vent fics, right


End file.
